FUNNY SHIT

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FUNNY SHIT

Post by MGMT on Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:05 am

Basically, anything funny, post here. Smile



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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by CaesarRex on Thu Jun 11, 2009 6:19 am

you do have a weird sense of humour there MGMT

nero

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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by CaesarRex on Tue Jun 16, 2009 2:55 pm


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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by MGMT on Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:58 am

rofl nice one.
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by CaesarRex on Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:05 pm












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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by CaesarRex on Fri Jul 03, 2009 2:32 pm

Evil or Very Mad

I love the new smilies
+rep for GummyBear

Victory

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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Lisa on Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:22 pm

Absolutely no disrespect meant to the dead at all.

Police say Michael Jackson’s death could be suspicious, they’re currently looking for a “smooth criminal”, he could be “black or white”, but he is definitely bad and dangerous. They got fingerprints off the wall and they say say say there was a man in the mirror. They would like Billy Jean to come forward but they don’t wanna be starting something. Police say they don’t stop as they found blood on the dance floor. It’s going to be a tough case, but they will beat it. Police say it’s a real thriller.

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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by EvilGummyBear on Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:34 pm

I thought this was hilarious


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI

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Two Cows

Post by EvilGummyBear on Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:40 pm

Some of these were funny Smile

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by CaesarRex on Mon Jul 27, 2009 2:02 pm

That was some funny ****

Laughing

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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Jack on Mon Jul 27, 2009 10:26 pm


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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Proxzee on Tue Jul 28, 2009 5:58 pm


Proxzee
Post some more
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by EvilGummyBear on Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:22 pm






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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by MGMT on Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:12 am

LOL
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by CaesarRex on Sun Sep 06, 2009 12:45 am






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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Lisa on Sun Sep 06, 2009 11:52 am

That was cute! Cool
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Discharge4life on Mon Sep 07, 2009 5:47 pm

Lmao thats hilarious
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by MGMT on Sat Sep 12, 2009 8:25 am

LOL
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by CaesarRex on Tue Sep 15, 2009 8:08 pm

BASED ON YOUR SUNSIGNS, ALCOHOROSCOPES EXPLAINS YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOUR
AFTER YOU GET DRUNK !!

ARIES : Drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes
don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them
prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they
get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk I as
good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries
can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever
happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be
counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done
anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming
for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated
Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-China-shop inebriate
who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the
preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and
barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the
Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get,
ER, gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely
amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI Drinking style Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior
much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's
just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse
and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of
intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic ability
to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with
several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round
-- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks:
beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

CANCER Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with
dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it,
Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must
guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret
parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood
style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get 'tired and
emotional' (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than
swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your
favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also
rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla
vodka and soda.

LEO Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous
dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding
dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're
darling -Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit,
probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get
over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one
what rung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so
just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expects a sheepish (and hung
over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto
their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking
less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking booze
neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely
get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the
intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it
loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one
Virgo friend used to declare, 'I'm going to drink myself into a low-level
of intelligence tonight.' A toast to the sub genius IQ!

LIBRA Drinking style 'I'm jusht a social drinker,' slurs Libra, 'it's jusht
that I'm so damn social?' Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle
and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with
Insta-Frienddevice set to 'on') or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are
little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming
as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which
can get them into all sorts of trouble --including wearing their wobbly
boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the
roomor even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for
they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till
they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to
drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them seethe
sauce as something to savor in itself, and not asa personality-altering
tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration.
But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant
conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything --
especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio
who likes you.

SAGITTARIUS Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in
booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of
their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with.
This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the
sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?).
They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the
entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground,
or Cancun . Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high
possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical,
steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off
the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie
and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star:
independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please.
And if they make money being themselves, who're you to quibble? But just
like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they
generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after
party, especially if they can hookup with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together that
well(except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward
know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more
stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing
an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get
combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case.
Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best
designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their
wrist):Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding
interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard
that you share a sign and an addictive personality --with Liz Taylor, Lisa
Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the
dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a
mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other
hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in
crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of
margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase 'addictive
personality' can be read two ways, you know. ....

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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Discharge4life on Wed Sep 16, 2009 6:10 am

rofl..
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Lisa on Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:13 pm

Hey! Surprised

I wanted 2 post that! Sad
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Discharge4life on Thu Sep 17, 2009 8:42 am

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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by MGMT on Sun Sep 20, 2009 6:50 am

lol nice discharge.
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Discharge4life on Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:57 am

rofl thanks mg xD
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Re: FUNNY SHIT

Post by Jack on Tue Oct 13, 2009 10:34 pm


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Re: FUNNY SHIT

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